I have been having many conversations with moms through my platform about the struggles they face with screen time addiction in little ones. I think we live in a unique parenting period in time where our children have this very real temptation around them ALL THE TIME. Relationships are now sadly often reduced to watching a movie together or scrolling through reels together. Children grow up watching parents using their phones and laptops for work all the time. The reality of the hardship of separating life from screens is not lost on any of us. And yet, the research is clear. Children suffer from screen time physically, emotionally, socially and developmentally. The jokes about children not eating without a screen or throwing a tantrum if not given a screen not to stop. We need to stop normalising this behaviour and see it for what it is; damaging to the future of society, the state of relationships and the growth of our children today.
I believe there are only 2 groups of parents on 2 sides of this issue.
1) Those who know the evils of screen time for children
2) Those who don't know the evils of screen time for children.
This blog post is hopefully helpful to both groups.
Those who don't know the damage screens cause to your growing children, all you need to do is a google search. I would also suggest letting the horror of what you read and see linger for a while so your heart is really jolted out of the state of slumber and you choose to make the change today.
Those who know about the damage screens cause to a child's developing mind and still choose screens often and extensively are, I believe, struggling to successfully substitute that activity with others with their children. If you are in this boat, I want to help you.
3 tips for parents who do want to reduce screen time for their children:
1) Set a day and time for screens and stick to it.
If you are anything like me, the 'setting' is easy but the 'sticking' is hard; especially through sickness or long days when the parents need rest and the children had their naps in the car on the way back home. On these days, if you do make an exception, remember to mention it to them that 'While today is not Saturday, you may watch 20 minutes of an animal documentary while mum and dad get a shut eye'. This helps them know that you are being consistent to the chosen day and time but today is an exception. They know you care about consistency but life does sometimes happen. It does not confuse them.
2) Build other age-appropriate skills to replace screen time.
My 6 year old and 4 year old can play for a couple hours in the afternoon, or paint together or read books while I get a nap with my 2 year old. The reality of adult life is that we do not have as much energy as the children do. We do need more rest, especially postpartum or if we have a job while homeschooling and are just doing a lot more than. In my case, I have been dealing with chronic pain for 2 years now and one injury after another due to my condition, so I try to take care of myself by resting in the afternoons. I only started doing this very intentionally 3 months ago when I started working after the children's bedtime.
When my children were younger, they were not able to do activities for that long on their own, but I did manage to curate an afternoon basket for quiet time activities which kept them occupied for a good 30 minutes. I would use this time to help put the baby down for her nap before going back to them and starting with our reading marathon every afternoon. Take some time to build independent skills today and your children AND you will be blessed tomorrow.
3) It also helps to understand that not ALL screen time is equal.
The bigger the screen, the better it is for the child in terms of visual stimulation. So, while we don't own a T.V in our house and we never bought one, my children do use my husband's desktop for their CHOSEN shows once a week. That is the biggest screen we have. The smaller the screen, the more potential for it to be handheld. So, a child watching the same show on their phone, is more likely to hold it in their hand and psychologically connect to the device in a much stronger capacity. So as a rule, my children don't use tablets or phones. Now what they choose to do on their hand-held devices, or TVs also matters. If they are interacting or engaging with games, it does have a more stimulating effect on the mind and releases more dopamine. This is the pleasure hormone. So, for our family, we might only start some educational games for a short time (15 minutes a day) after the children are 10 years old, IF I find some really good games.
What kind of shows should children be watching? You want to choose shows that are slow. We watch little bear and bluey, or some youtube cooking show or animal documentaries. These shows don't have their screens changing every second or multiple sound tracks in the background. You can actually hear only the dialogue or only some background music. This is what is normal stimulation. Like a conversation between 2 people. That is what we want for our children to watch. Mr Rogers is another oldie but goodie. Now if your children are used to watching high stimulation T.V the transition is going to be challenging. But if you dont't budge, they will get used to liking what you offer them. In our home, we make decisions based on what we think is best for them, not how many tears were spilled over a certain issue. Sure, hugs are freely available when needed but the decision remains unchanged.
The last thing to keep in mind while making the decision for your family is what time do you choose to let them watch T.V. We try to avoid screens 2 hours before bedtime since it gets in the way with good night time sleep.
Dear parent, we all do the best with what we know when we know it. If you messed up, it is okay. If you continue to mess up a little bit every day, it only makes you human. But let our hearts be in the right place. Let us try to remind ourselves that these children have been given to US to raise; not to the schools, or tuition teachers or the people in the tv shows. They are OURS to raise and that is a huge responsibility. It requires sacrifice and dedication, and we can encourage one another for the sake of our children.
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